We all have masculine and feminine energy within us, regardless of gender.
We live in the era of claiming “toxic masculinity,” but I find that to be a silly misnomer. Calling things “toxic” is the cool new phrase to use.
I believe that “Toxic masculinity” is actually an over-expression of one’s masculine energy, repression of one’s feminine energy, or both (probably both).
Everyone, irregardless of gender, has both masculine and feminine energy within them. We have our own unique balances of these energies.
The positive expression of masculine energy is: direct, firm, secure/safe, logical, assertive/selectively aggressive, useful, and grounded. It’s doing, giving, and action.
Sounds nice right?
Well, we’ve seen its negative expression: forceful, violent, uninspiring, overaggressive, controlling, repressive.
This is what has caused a lot of today’s problems.
The positive expression of feminine energy is: expansive, creative, lighthearted, loving, soft, sensual, nurturing, intuitive, imaginative. It’s being, receiving, and allowing (and can be rest).
I’m here for this, right?!
Well, we’ve all felt its negative expression: explosive, mercurial, jealous, chaotic, temperamental, and unstructured/ungrounded.
We have both of these energies within us, and they need to be expressed in whatever ways and in the ratios that are uniquely authentic to us.
I believe that creativity thrives in constraint. We need some level of masculine energy (structure) to feel safe to allow our feminine energy (expansion) to happen.
Even beyond the obvious problems (e.g. war), it’s easy to see our society forces people into their masculine energy:
“Do more! Hustle! Analysis! Data! Rules! Logic! Attack!”
It is no fucking surprise that the world has become dull, uninspiring, suffocating and doom-and-gloom.
Maybe over-expressed masculinity served us before, but we’ve evolved (thank goodness), and it no longer is serving us.
Without feminine energy, we don’t feel like we can fucking relax or have fun. We over-exhaust ourselves with the mental exertion of logic, and in the process, have lost creativity and vision.
We’re all focused on “doing” and being of use to society, with the hope of feeling like we’ve earned the right to be enough so that we can simply exist.
And instead of bringing ourselves into a state of internal harmony and honoring the internal feminine energy in all of us, we demonize masculine energy. We attempt to change it or overpower it.
But we all have masculine energy inside of us, and therefore a war on masculinity is a war on ourselves.
We can all embrace the magic and polarity of these opposing forces within us and others.
I am a believer in “What you resist persists.”
We’re obsessed with having a “war on xyz,” which is a masculine approach.
How much shit have we had a “war” on that has been an utter failure?
I find the battlecries of “Smash the Patriarchy!” nauseating, unhelpful, and misinformed. Because it’s just the same over-expression of masculine energy that caused these suffocating structures in the first place.
(Those types of phrases are really just an outer expression of inner frustration)
Einstein famously said that “We can not solve our problems with the same level of thinking that created them.”
There is no correct definition of “this is what a healthy man/woman looks like.” There is no “right way” to be a man/woman/person.
Not every man needs to strive to be some mix of handyman, martial artist, and athlete in a perfectly-tailored suit if he doesn’t want to be that.
Not every woman needs to strive to be a “girlboss” or beauty influencer if she doesn’t want to be that.
However you desire to authentically express yourself is the only correct way to express yourself, and it can’t be argued with.
And if you’re suppressing your own masculine/feminine energy, you’re only hurting yourself (in many ways).
For example, as a man, I’ve seen tons of men dull their own natural masculine energy/expression due to the demonization of anything “masculine.”
And I’ve met countless women who have dulled their natural feminine energy/expression because they felt that they needed to assimilate into business environments, which are very masculine in nature (a lingering relic of the past).
We simply need to acknowledge the humanity and equality in others, which allows them the ability to express themselves. We can all honor each others’ sovereignty as human beings.
But make no mistake: we’re allowed to disagree with, feel uncomfortable around, and dislike others. It is neither our obligation to understand nor embrace someone, nor are they obligated to do the same for us. That sounds nice, but we are all allowed our preferences — which again, can’t be argued with. People need to go where they feel seen/heard/understood.
In short: I’m not going to fuck with your trip on this earth, so please don’t fuck with mine.
For men: how can we give ourselves permission to honor our natural feminine energy (creativity, softness, play, and imagination)?
For women: how can you give yourself permission to express your natural masculine energy (strength, structure/boundaries, planning, assertiveness/selective aggression)?
Have any thoughts or insights from personal experience? Please comment!